I turned 29 yesterday (Sept. 29, 2013). I meant to make my ‘29 on the 29th’ (ie the beginning of the end of my 20s) memorable, and it started out beautifully the day before my birthday, with my lovely boyfriend leaving me a beautiful hand-made whiskey barrel coffee table (photos below, the unaltered barrel to the gorgeous finished product) to find in my living room when I got off work Saturday. Today started off nicely, although I could not sleep the night before (nothing unusual). He and I had plans to chill out and watch the finale of Breaking Bad together tonight after I left my parents’ home (nothing better than spending a rainy night with him). Without going into too many details, I fucked up my own birthday evening, and quite possibly ruined a good relationship. Happy birthday to me. Fuck me.
This year marks a sort-of milestone for me; a once in a lifetime event- I will turn 29 on the 29th of this month. Due to arguments, distance, work schedules, and many other differing factors, it looks like I will be spending the day alone. First order of business is finding someone to cover for me at work. I am the only CNA on Sunday, and my request to be off was denied (would have left the floor with no CNA). If I can accomplish this, Thor and I may just investigate Southeast Texas; there’s plenty to see and experience here. I have my eye on exploring Kirby House in Kountze, the Big Thicket, and Ghost Road.
Although it should be depressing, I am rather looking forward to spending my milestone birthday alone (not counting Thor, of course!). This will give me some time to reflect on my 29 years, mistakes and accomplishments, and take stock of my life. It will also be a good time for reflection on my future. This year has been one of the hardest of my life in every conceivable way, and several bridges may have been burned; whether or not this decision was beneficial does not lessen the blow. My adult life has been filled with obstacles and some hardships; this year has been the hardest and most stressful. My finances, emotions, and health were all fodder for the universe, and I’ve begrudgingly had to accept many hard realizations.
As hard as this year has been, I would not have survived it had it not been for prayer/meditation, select few friends, and my wonderful boyfriend & best friend. He has always been there to lend an ear and good advice (even from the beginning), he’s a wonderful, sweet, and caring individual (although he likes to think he hides that side of himself), and the most interesting/hilarious person I have ever encountered. Although John and I are extremely different, and we’ve had our own issues, we’ve resolved them as best as we could, honestly and fairly. As I always tell him, if for some obscure reason our relationship does not survive, our friendship most assuredly will. I want the best for him, and I know he wants the same for me.
Also, one friend in particular has received several late-night texts and helped me work through several problems, never once calling me crazy and keeping me company as I worked out my dilemmas. And, of course, prayer helped calm the many anxious moments this year produced. Without my religion, I would be entirely lost.
My world has been turned upside-down, rung out, and run through a wood-chipper. I’m still standing, amazingly. And, I’m learning how to turn those wood-chipper pieces into a beautiful mosaic that I can share with those I love. This Sunday, I will take time to remember that this is still a work in progress, and thank God for all the blessings he bestowed on me. After all, If I want to gain the whole of the moon, it’s necessary to start with a new moon.